There was no question about it – the only reason I suffered the embarrassment of braces in the 1970s was because my teeth were seriously screwed up and my parents were only too happy to pay for someone to fix them. Nowadays, not only are the professionals trying to sell you on the latest orthodontic [...]
Parking my yellow convertible on the seventh square, I read the words aloud, “’Inherit shrunken head collection. Pay $10,000 for museum to accept it.’ Aw, man!” “Pay up, and quit yer whining!” my brother snickered with sick satisfaction. No matter what game we played, my older brother always appointed himself the banker, setting an immediate [...]
When I met my husband almost 20 years ago, he had a couch. It was his “bachelor couch,” and even though it may have looked cool back in 1990 when he bought it to furnish his bachelor pad, the upholstery pattern on that piece of furniture can only be described as a cross between a [...]
“So how’s your morning commute to work going?” I once asked my brother-in-law just to make conversation. He crossed his legs, lifted a finger in the air and began, “Well, of course, traffic is merely a study in fluid dynamics.” Three minutes later, he ended his long-winded response, and I was left utterly amazed by [...]
I’m sure many things have been said about me, both good and bad, but there’s one thing I can be certain nobody will ever utter in reference to me, and that is: “I like her style.” Why? Because, I have no style. Never have, never will. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those [...]
I get up early in the mornin’, round about six-o-clock. Bleary-eyed and yawnin’, I gather up the flock. Pack three chillins in the van, and drive around the block. At the neighbor’s crib, two more are added to my stock. Coffee cup in hand, I head for open road. My minivan creaks under such a [...]
“Where are the tickets?” I said with a half-panicked gasp. The line was moving steadily ahead, and we were almost at the admissions booth. My husband searched his wallet, while I frantically fondled my video camera case; my pockets full of gum, tissues, and Dramamine for motion sickness; and my backpack stuffed with water bottles, [...]
“Is it time?” I thought to myself as I sipped my coffee and stared at our lifeless Christmas tree. I could flip the switch to electrify the tiny lights, top off the stagnant water in the stand, and blur my eyes to the curling branches and falling needles for one more week. Or, I could [...]
Four steps into the entrance of the downtown Hyatt, my feet started to hurt and I noticed a small run in my pantyhose. I took a deep breath, which was somewhat difficult considering I had bound my midsection with no less than four layers of figure-enhancing spandex, and tried to channel a festive attitude toward [...]
Dear Friends and Family . . . [oh boy, I can’t even get past the salutation without a dilemma. “Friends and Family” or “Family and Friends?” Better lead with “Family” unless I want to tick off our Italian relatives.] Dear Family and Friends, Merry . . . [almost forgot, the Weinsteins are on our mailing [...]
